Clarifying Your Role and Purpose with Anne Pillsbury
In this episode of Good Enough for Now, we hear from Anne Pillsbury, a certified coach and midlife reinventor, about her own experience with reinventing herself. From mom of four to 45-year-old intern to entrepreneur and a few other stops in between, Anne has a lot of experience with reinventing herself. The trick has been reinvention in a way that aligns with her values and the vision she has for herself and her career.
Anne has done a lot of work on herself through this process, work that has allowed her to be a better parent and partner. And along the way, she’s learned that letting go of control is the best way to allow those around you to thrive. In this episode, we talk about self compassion, trusting yourself, letting go of control, and remembering your vision and your purpose.
Listen in to hear more, including how Anne’s changing roles at home and work helped her kids to show up for themselves.
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what we cover in this episode:
How sometimes our best intentions in helping our kids can hold them back
Why pivoting or starting over, even multiple times, can lead to the best version of yourself
The power of knowing your vision in values in crafting a life and career you thrive in
How Anne deals with the isolation of going from an in-person work environment to working from home
What made the biggest impact in how Anne’s career shifted over the years
Resources
What Good Enough For Now Means To Anne Pillsbury
I feel like remembering and knowing that I'm good enough for now is kind of my mantra for life that I need to repeat that again and again and again. And to know that I am enough and that trying to control and be perfect doesn't serve me or anybody else. Good enough for now is how we make things happen in our lives and get into action and create and unlock a million possibilities.
ABOUT Anne Pillsbury
Anne Pillsbury is an ICF-certified coach, midlife reinventor, and host of Pivot On Purpose Live. She helps women who want to launch a new chapter get to the heart of what’s keeping them stuck so they can push the reset button and create a meaningful life.
Combining 10 years of work and study in coaching, psychology, and communications with her insatiable curiosity, and uncanny ability to connect, Anne champions, challenges, and empowers. She helps women to let go of thinking and behavioral patterns that undermine their biggest goals and aspirations and start making bold choices toward what they truly want.
Anne serves women through her private coaching program, the Meant for More Method, as well as in masterminds and high-touch in-person retreats. You can also catch her weekly on her live stream, Pivot on Purpose, where she features women reclaiming their magic and power in midlife. Or you can follow her on LinkedIn, Instagram, or Facebook where you’ll see pictures of her traveling the world with her 4 kids (spanning from teens to young adults) as she fully lives (and enjoys!) this mid-life chapter.
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Stephanie Kruse 0:05
Welcome to Good Enough For Now, a podcast aimed at dismantling perfectionism one conversation at a time. I'm Stephanie Kruse and along with my guests on the show, we share stories of false starts unexpected you turns in moments of reinvention that happen as we move through life. Thanks for joining me, my hope is that our conversations will help you stay grounded, feel a little less alone, and a little bit more together.
Stephanie Kruse 0:40
Welcome to the show, everybody. This week I am talking with Anne Pillsbury, who I met through LinkedIn. And we had a great conversation where we really dig into the idea of what control really means in life. The author Anne Lamott had said once help is the sunny side of control. And my conversation with Anne Pillsbury this week, really digs into how that served her how that hurt her, and how she's learned to embrace what that can mean for her as she has led her life through a return to corporate work, raising four children, three of whom are out of the house and on their own, and her own entrepreneurship path that she's following now. I think you're really going to enjoy it. Let me tell you a little bit about Anne.
Stephanie Kruse 1:28
Anne Pillsbury is an ICF. certified coach, midlife reinvented and host of pivot on purpose life. She helps women who want to launch a new chapter get to the heart of what's keeping them stuck, so they can push the reset button and create a meaningful life, combining 10 years of work and study and coaching psychology and communications with her insatiable curiosity, an uncanny ability to connect and champions challenges and empowers. She helps women to let go of thinking and behavioral patterns that undermine their biggest goals and aspirations. And helps them start making bold choices toward what they truly want. Anne Pillsbury, thank you so much for joining me today.
Anne Pillsbury 2:10
Thank you for having me. I'm so excited. I love the name of the podcast good enough for now. It's the monitor of my life. So glad to be here to chat.
Stephanie Kruse 2:19
Oh, you're a qualified guest if I ever saw one, fantastic. So to begin with the good enough for now, in the for now part, tell me about where you are in your life right now.
Anne Pillsbury 2:30
So I am a coach, I help women pivot to careers have greater fulfillment and success on their own terms. I left corporate a couple years ago, and so I've been building this business for a couple of years now. You know, I'm feeling my own pivot point coming on right now, I usually have this kind of spin out before I get the clarity. And I'm gonna be just totally honest with you. I've been a little bit in that spin out. But I feel myself coming back. I'm remembering the things I know, the things of coming back to myself to surrendering to getting quiet, which is the last thing I want to do when I'm trying to like control and fix, right? I want to hustle, hustle, hustle, find the answer know the thing, and I get all spun up. And now I'm feeling the calm coming on as I take really good care of myself and myself a lot of compassion and what I call courageous self love.
Stephanie Kruse 3:26
That's juicy, we're gonna get into that one. And thanks for being so upfront about the fact that maybe everything right now isn't so clear. But it sounds like you're making progress toward it. So I want to go back a little bit in time. I know that you're coaching now, you're in sort of a reinvention, next chapter in your midlife. Tell me how you got here.
Anne Pillsbury 3:50
So it's kind of a long and interesting story. I'm a serial with life reinventing myself. I was a stay at home mom, I have four kids. I was home with them for 14 years. And after my fourth was born, I got that feeling like What's there for me what's next and friend mentioned I should become a coach and it just landed like truth in my heart. And the next day, I signed up for a certification program. Without much research and or, you know, I just did with someplace near me that I could get away on weekend. And it was absolutely the most transformational experience of my life, taking the time to be actually introduced to myself for the first time and who I was what I wanted, what my values were just really opened up such immense possibility that it kind of set the stage for the next 10 years. And so I coach for a little while, but then I still had four children under 16 and the financial burdens and so we decided needed to go get the corporate job. Full time. Yeah, full time corporate work. But, you know, I had to work for a long time and even before I worked I didn't have like a robe. Last career, though there wasn't like something to naturally fall back into. But I've always liked communications and marketing. And again, another angel, I met a mom at school, who was a founder of literally my dream company, a small tech startup. And I pitched her to start as an intern. I was a 45 year old intern.
Stephanie Kruse 5:18
Ah, I love that. Yeah. Right on into the beginner mindset, right?
Anne Pillsbury 5:24
Yes. But you know, I learned quick and I loved it. I've just looked back, it was like, really such a happy, my personal life was crumbling. But my professional, it was so fun to get out to be with really creative, smart people working on this fun product. And I learned quickly and I worked my way into like Project program management. I was there for four years. Then things changed, a really toxic manager came in, and I ended up leaving. So then I faced the unemployed at 50 thing.
Stephanie Kruse 5:56
Yeah, so how did that feel?
Anne Pillsbury 6:00
Well, first, I had a ton of grief, because I love that company so much. And I was so sad that the situation had changed. And I really stayed a lot longer than I should have. Because I knew the writing on the wall, the minute this person started. You know, that's the thing I talk about with my clients is like, when it's time to go. Yeah, but I was just really personally devastated by it. And I lost my confidence, because when you were a toxic manager situation, it lowers your confidence over time. And at first I just like was like, I gotta get a job pant, right? I just gotta get a job, I gotta do the job. I was just applying, I was scrolling. And nothing was working out. And it was terrible. And then I had the meltdown. And then the breakthrough. And instead, I started to meditate, I started to do yoga, I started to spend time on myself to get really clear on what I wanted, and how I could start to hear those things. I wrote out the qualities and the actual things that I wanted for my next role. And I started to network and meet other amazing people doing amazing things. And sure enough, I had a 15 minute informational in November. And in April, she posted a job and I reached out and she interviewed me for an hour and hired me for more than I was making before so.
Stephanie Kruse 7:16
So that sounds way too easy. Hold on, I want to go back. It sounds like you came to some kind of practice and habit in the midst of this, you came out of that toxic situation you said, and then you started finding ways to, as you describe it, like listen to yourself and be aware for the first time, right? How did that come about?
Anne Pillsbury 7:40
When I'm in my head, when I'm trying to control when I'm trying to make things happen? Things don't happen if you have no flow. And I believe that there's a whispering in our heart that is our wiser self and comes from something greater than us that we don't understand to get a little Woo, but I believe it to be true. Yeah. And when you quiet yourself to be able to hear that that is when the miracles happen. And I've just have so much evidence of it in my life, that I've come to trust it. Does that answer your question?
Stephanie Kruse 8:14
Yeah, it does. No, thanks for explaining that. Because I think there's so much especially in the wellness industry, and we hear, you know, oh, I've just created this meditation practice. And I figured out my life and everything. But it's not that simple.
Anne Pillsbury 8:26
It's not that simple. And it repeats itself. And we forget, because our brains are, you know, they're trying to keep us safe. And they're trying to work in the way we taught them to work for the first half of our lives, you know, totally. They're very safe. It feels very practical to be doing all the things and it's not that you don't take the action. It's not that I did it. Look. I mean, obviously, I was looking on LinkedIn for jobs, because I saw this one. Yeah. But it's that moment where preparation meets opportunity. There's a kind of sweet spot in there.
Stephanie Kruse 8:59
Oh, I totally agree with that. Yes. Thank you for explaining that went to me. So fast forward back into your story. You got into a new job, she hires you. And then what?
Anne Pillsbury 9:11
Even gets a little more exciting. So it was a whole new area. I was in Human Resources doing employee engagement, but I was new to it. So like I needed her mentorship, you know what I mean? Yes. And then she decided about three months in that she did not like the company and left. And so then I was like, but I had had that experience before where I stayed too long, but I didn't want to lose my job. So then I reached out to another person in the company who was a new Director of Brand and said I have a lot of experience in program project management, ended up pivoting to that. And so I did that for several years doing project program management for the brand's division. But then after COVID, a couple years of COVID like many of us I had that reassessment and that dream and that longing to be of greater sort Service to women to find their brilliance and have the greatest impact in the world. It just came back to me and I just couldn't sit pretending that this project management thing was fulfilling me anymore. And three of my kids had launched and so I had a little more space. And so I figured out how to financially invest in myself and give myself some runway. And so here I am. And it's been incredible. But you know, everybody says, starting your own business teaches you a ton about yourself. And I'm definitely in that journey.
Stephanie Kruse 10:31
Absolutely. And I think we can have great ideas and we can know ourselves, but actually making it happen and running a business on your own. You know, you talked about mentorship and the people in your community. And then you went back and started your own. How do you deal with the isolation of that?
Anne Pillsbury 10:53
Well, I hire coaches, I hire my own coaches and mentors, I join groups, but it's hard. It's challenging for me, I'm an extrovert, and I miss the little things about you know, going to work and like running into the coffee, barista, all those little things. But I'm getting to be much more intentional about it. One thing that I love that I've done is launched my own bi weekly interview series called pivot on purpose, where I'm meeting amazing women all over the country really passionate about empowering women in midlife. And that's a great way, you know, to build community and feel good and be having the conversations I want to be having. And so a lot more of that, which in some ways is really better, because you're self selecting people.
Stephanie Kruse 11:37
you're not stuck with a toxic colleague at work that you can't get away from. That is brilliant.
Anne Pillsbury 11:43
And I mean, I don't know if you found this to be true. But I find there's so much support for women for each other in this space, podcasting, coaching, all these things. It's just, I'm always humbled by how willing people are to chat or help or give you their thoughts.
Stephanie Kruse 12:00
Yeah, I've seen that too. It's very, I think humbling is a great word. And what a gift. Yeah. So here you are, you're coaching other people, you know, you raised your kids, you went back to work, and they have launched. I can't imagine having four children. So kudos to you. You know, we started talking about control a little bit, and your learning path of developing yourself to understand what you can control let go of being flow versus fiction. How did that manifest for you?
Anne Pillsbury 12:33
I think my parenting journey has been one of the most influential of my whole entire life in ways that I would have never anticipated. Because I came from, you know, a family, I'm very normal, right? Like mom takes care of everything does everything tries to protect us from everything, because that's what moms are supposed to do. And when my first born was about third grade, she was diagnosed with dyslexia. And I was devastated, right, I'm like, this is going to be the end. I'm a high achiever, a straight A student, a traditional learner, and that she's never going to have, I mean, just these ridiculous stories I know. So I would over pivot, trying to help, you know, help, help her with her projects, help her advocate for herself and help her do all those things. And what I did was push my expectations on her and crush her little soul. Not intentionally, I didn't mean to I didn't know better. But what I learned as she grew, and as she learned to advocate for herself, and I stepped out, her brilliance shined, and she grew into the she's on the Dean's List of veterinary school. Now, you know, she has greater academic success than I ever did. And so I have reapplied that lesson to the other children to others are dyslexic. But that controlling also was a terrible pattern in my marriage that we've had to work on. And with that, letting go when I went back to work, my kids stepped in the first day when my 16 year old put the three of them in the car, she was in tears because she was scared because she hadn't started to drive yet. And she took them to two different schools. They could all get themselves up and out of the car in the house in the morning, and they got themselves home, you know, and my son is significantly younger, they took care of him. And I would have mom guilt all the time. Like, Oh, I feel bad that my kids have to do this. But they're so cool. They're such resilient, capable young women now that I think it was a gift.
Stephanie Kruse 14:38
when they're young and we feel like our job is to keep them safe. The rest of it's all letting go as they grow. And it is the trick of parenting for sure that I have found as well. And I think a lot of people as parents can relate to that struggle. But what a great way to look at you know, success
Anne Pillsbury 14:59
Really, and my expectations of myself had to talk about perfectionism. I mean, my expectations for myself, my house might, you know, a lot of things, they just had to get pushed to the wayside. Because my first priority were my kids. Maybe my first priority was me, second kids. Third job, and then the rest of it just had to had to kind of fall in place.
Stephanie Kruse 15:20
Did you have resources? Or maybe it was some of these mentors at work? Who Could you turn to? To help you through that?
Anne Pillsbury 15:30
No, such a good question. I've been friends, I have great friends who came through and pinches and a lot of people came up and supported me and helped me and a lot of my friends were staying home mom, so they we offer to step in and help a little do the lion's share of some of the works that I wasn't able to do with getting them around and stuff. You know, I always have some kind of an external support. And with a therapist or coach, or, you know, I go very few months without having somebody in my back pocket.
Stephanie Kruse 16:01
That's wise. We can't do it alone.
Anne Pillsbury 16:05
Yeah, no. And then also, you know, you read the books and listen to the podcasts like this, and all that kind of stuff to just give you the little reminders. I feel like that's the maintenance. Right?
Stephanie Kruse 16:14
Yeah, we hope. As I heard you talking about your career journey of coming back into the workforce, you know, what I hear sometimes, either from former guests, or other women that I know is they just don't know where to begin. And some of that is about confidence. And some of that may be about trusting what they're interested in their values, who they are. Talk a little bit about, either from your own personal experience, or your clients who you coach, how you see those at play, and what helps people begin again,
Anne Pillsbury 16:50
yeah, I call it the confidence trap, you're never gonna feel confident doing something you haven't done before, you haven't done for a long time, because we build confidence through experience. And I think we have a lot of myths in our culture that people are born confident, or they're not born confident. And I don't believe that to be true. So when you're thinking of going back to work, or whatever it is, don't wait for confidence to make the pivot. What we need to do instead is shift our relationship with the self doubt that we're feeling because we're feeling self doubt. And there are a lot of messages that were not enough. And we're not enough to want, we want to return to work or any of those things, what are we going to do, but it really does start with you. And again, like, as you mentioned, getting clear on your values. Having the courage to create a vision of what you really, really want, it may feel completely overwhelming, you're like, I can't ever achieve that. That's fine, it should feel that way. But that like it does have values and your priorities. They're your compass, and then the vision becomes your destination. And as you have the vision that you have place to work for, and to start making decisions in alignment. And it can start with baby steps of calling somebody who might know something about that thing that you would like to do some time or reading a book about it. But it's that holding ourselves in action. Because as we start to get into action, then we build competency and self trust and that competency and self trust builds the confidence so that we can keep moving forward.
Stephanie Kruse 18:28
Yeah, so it's a slow down.
Anne Pillsbury 18:30
Yeah, it's again, it's that slow down, which we don't like to hear because we want to speed up. We want the
Stephanie Kruse 18:37
many of us. Yes, I'm wondering, too, you know, there's been a lot written lately about some of the workplace dynamics that are changing some of the choices that you know, people in their 30s are making compared to their 40s and 50s compared to people in retirement. And I don't want to generalize generational labels here. But when you went back in your in your mid 40s, right, when you went back the first time did you experience other challenges around ageism? Or being someone who had been away from the game? I guess we can call it and back and how did you deal with that?
Speaker 2 19:18
I think I was really lucky, because I never really did feel ageism, I think the women or men I worked for were about my own age, even though I was at a much lower level, there was just that camaraderie of being in similar stages and ages of life. And then I actually loved working with younger people because we could learn from each other and I have this coachy motherly presence so people are attracted to talking to me and like the wise one in the room and then I love getting the energy and the things I didn't understand like technology or social media, learning those things and also For the women who were having the small children being on the other side of it, and being able to be excited and supportive, and I love working in that multigenerational space, and I know it's different in other places, but I felt really lucky that way.
Stephanie Kruse 20:14
And that's great. A friend of mine explained the same thing about her re entry into the corporate world, maybe so then the takeaway here is look for people your own age.
Speaker 2 20:27
Also two things like one sometimes I would feel internally a lack of confidence or worthiness or something, there's a little bit of a story, it's like left over from the Mommy Wars that I chose to stay home. And so somehow, that makes me less valuable. Sometimes that story comes up in my brain and would make me feel insecure. But on the other hand, I don't feel like I'm as old as I am. When I get in there, it's like, yeah, I can hang with a 25 year old. Felt like one of the team, I didn't realize like, they're probably thinking of me as like this great.
Stephanie Kruse 21:02
Okay, so maybe look for people your own age, decide that you're still 35. Okay. There's your takeaways. Fantastic. I love that. And I think so vital for people to hear, because it is just sort of this black box, especially if you're dealing with some issues, maybe with your self worth, you know, and talking about self worth, now that you have gone back into entrepreneurship, and you've raised kids, as well. So you know, that it's hard sometimes, you know, there aren't any KPIs for parenting. Perfect, although I think some people try, whether that's like college rank or something. Exactly. Which is a total fallacy, but how do you define success for yourself?
Anne Pillsbury 21:47
Now, there's something about being true to myself, and to being true to my values, and what's most important to me. And when I make decisions around those and feel a sense of fulfillment, as opposed to achievement, that feels like success for me. So I do feel sort of like a successful mother, because my kids are off doing their thing with different levels of success or not. But they all know who they are, they all know how to reach out for help when they need it. And they all have a resiliency about them, and advocacy about them and their own opinions. So like, to me, that feels pretty good. workwise, I feel successful when I can be of great service, when somebody has a pivot, or the possibility opens up for one of my clients that they could have never imagined. I just fills me with such joy and fulfillment. And it's not even what the thing is. It's just that being able to witness and that in another human being just feels so good to be.
Stephanie Kruse 22:58
Oh, that's really cool. Yeah, it's like being a manager or motivating people on your team towards a goal. You know, it's there when not yours. So do you use any systems in what you do to keep you stay on track, whether it be routines, or how you keep yourself centered?
Anne Pillsbury 23:20
Well, everybody always talks about the morning practice, but I'm successful at that, like 80% of the time. That's something that's super important to me to get up, do some meditation, some journaling, I like to get my exercise done in the morning. So that is a practice that I have, there's kind of a cycle, reconnecting to myself, clarifying my purpose, remembering what my vision and purpose are making sure my priorities and intentions are aligned with that, dealing with the self doubt that inevitably comes up. And then taking the next right step, which is in alignment with my original intention. I applied that kind of five steps process to everything I do micro or macro, over and over again. It's just always a circular. There's no end line, you know?
Stephanie Kruse 24:09
And how does that feel? Is that okay?
Anne Pillsbury 24:12
Yes, because that's where the expansion happens, and the growth happens. And the possibility happens if there was an end, then what would be the point of continuing to live, you know?
Stephanie Kruse 24:24
Mm hmm. Absolutely. So when you think about and maybe this is something that you work on when you share with your clients, but is there anything you wish you would have known or would have told yourself earlier on or did you like, have to go through all of this exactly the way that it was?
Anne Pillsbury 24:40
You know, I think the biggest thing that I read is that when I was younger, I just had no sense of who I was. I was raised in an incredibly loving family, but a high achieving kind of powerful family and I just had this belief that I had to be perfect. I couldn't fail. I couldn't try things. not be good at it or I would, unconsciously that I'd be kicked out of the tribe, you know what I mean? Like it was it's a very unconscious. And so it kept my life really, really small. And I just think of opportunities that I would have maybe like to take, and I didn't. So I've just had to make up for it after for a
Stephanie Kruse 25:19
Well it certainly seems like you're doing that. Oh my gosh. And so I could go 20 More ways with this conversation. But given where we're at, I think this is a natural segue to the last question that I like to ask my guests. And hence the name of the podcast is good enough for now. When you hear that phrase, what does that evoke for you?
Anne Pillsbury 25:44
Well, I feel like remembering and knowing that I'm good enough for now, as I said, at the top of the hour is kind of my mantra for life, I need to repeat that again and again and again, and know, my worthiness and know that I am enough, and that trying to control and perfect doesn't serve me or anybody else. And good enough for now is how we make things happen in our lives, and get into action and create and unlock a million possibilities.
Stephanie Kruse 26:19
Wow, no, two answers are the same for that question. So if people want to engage with you, in your professional life, or personal life, where can we find you?
Anne Pillsbury 26:28
You can find me at my website. And with an E Pillsbury, like the doughboy.com. And I have a free resource on there called 10 clues to clarify your pivot on purpose, which you can download, or come find me on LinkedIn or Instagram. If you just search my name and Pillsbury, you'll find me I'd love to connect with you all there.
Stephanie Kruse 26:48
Great. I'll put this in the show notes as well so that everyone can make sure they spell and correctly. Well, I really enjoyed this conversation, and I wish you all the best. Thanks so much for joining me and thank you so much for joining me. Please share the show with your friends by word of mouth, send them a text and maybe leave a rating and review. It really helps people find Good Enough For Now. Don't forget to also follow on your favorite podcast player like Apple or Spotify. So you can get new shows automatically each time they're released. You'll find Show Notes goodenoughfornowpod.com and you can connect on Instagram @goodenoughfornowpod. See you next time.
